Sometimes I fuck up. I start by apologising for that first.
Around this time of year 14 years ago I was convicted of a “crime” that had moved out of the family court and into the criminal division. Janet and John version of the case was that a family who had been falsely accused of MSbP by David Southall (who also falsely accused Mr S Clark of killing his son) ran and hid a child from Social Services to prevent her from being removed from their care. There was no care order in place when they ran. One was obtained retrospectively after they had gone (that’s another story) I was convicted of being the mastermind behind her disappearance. Doctors did not make false allegations back in the day., it was only much later that they were hauled up for what they had done. I am not and never was guilty of the “crime” of which I was accused, (which incidentally is also being appealed having found out just who had public interest immunity and lied to the police) However I can see how that happened. I had 8 months inside various prisons to do the whole 20/20 hindsight thing.
I am and always have been a single campaigner. That is to say, despite what has been said in MSM I have no “group”, I have never run a website (falsely claimed to have run the now defunct MAMA) that was run by Americans, my email address has always been daretocare because of my involvement with the care system. I first had an email address back in 1997 when most people were not even on the Internet in the UK.
I am and always have been a committed campaigner. I am and always have been passionate about my beliefs. This has and does get me into significant amounts of trouble. In part because of my commitment to a cause and in part because of how I was bought up.
During my 8 months inside, being around so many vulnerable women, I quickly identified that my strong character can influence how people behave, that my absolute belief in something can “change” people’s minds very quickly and that I have an ability to influence outcome. In the military this is a plus, leadership skills are the single most important skill set for that environment. In the real world it is a skill that you can very quickly, even unconsciously, abuse. My judge stated I was a Svengali figure when sentencing me. I was appalled at first, until I had time to reflect on my part to play in what was a tragic set of events. I had to examine my motives and my zeal, because that’s what it was, to see if I had caused harm.
There is no doubt, that my conviction that the child would be taken by social services at some point (based upon every other case upon which I had worked) will have influenced an already frightened family. There is no doubt that my stance against social services, who at that time I detested, given that I had sat in the Ewloe Inquiry witnessing the appalling failures when tasked to look after vulnerable children, played into my genuine beliefs that these people were the enemy and not to be trusted. There is no doubt that having seen the catastrophic failings of this body of people, that my belief that no child should be taken into care unless it was a life or death situation would have impacted. So was I morally guilty of what happened. Yes. It was not deliberate, it was not planned, but, I did, unknowingly, abuse my position. I have my judge in that case, despite his intense dislike for me, to thank for my wake up call.
Being a campaigner that is involved in the most emotive of subjects, child abuse, I have learnt that my opinion, or my belief is just that. It’s mine. I should never project that belief onto others who are vulnerable or suggestible. I always advocate for outside professionals to be bought in when it comes to emotional support, something I had taken on myself all those years ago. Becoming emotionally attached to any victim of any type of abuse skews your ability to effectively campaign on their behalf.
I have never been driven by a need for attention or money. But I question if some of what I did derived from a need to be validated as a person, given the circumstances of my upbringing. I am sure, in part, this is why I became overly committed to an ideology that had only some basis in fact, it was emotionally driven on the whole. The abuse we all suffered in an institution played heavily into my decision making process and my behaviour.
What has this got to do with anything? Well it is this. I have watched Exaro, The Lantern Project and various individuals exploit and abuse vulnerable suggestible people. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way diluting the actions of some individuals who have climbed into bed with them.
Initially I was prepared to give these people the benefit of the doubt, no rush to judgement, not any longer. I have watched whilst some poor unstable people have been paraded before the worlds media, for nothing other than to sell copy, I have also watched whilst some others, not so vulnerable, did a deal with the devil and through mutual consent have also been pushed out into the wider media. This is an abuse of power.
I have witnessed genuinely vulnerable people being coerced into believing a story, because to “not believe” means being expelled from the “group” a group they rely upon to feel included. I have watched those that love nothing more than to jump on a high profile case, traduce and abuse survivors who dare to ask what their motives are. I am witness to the “rescuers” again vulnerable, acting as the bouncers at the door of a night club, for alleged “high profile” victims, whilst said alleged victims sits back smirking. That is an abuse of power.
I am party to knowing information about a charity supposedly set up to help victims of CSA, abuse their power to such an extent that I was speechless. That takes a lot believe me, you will be pleased to know that I soon went into rant mode! That same charity has done nothing but ensure that anyone who questions them, their motives, their background is continually harassed on a daily basis. Their motives, without any doubt now are about power, kudos and money, in that order, all of which they have abused.
You see, what I did learn in prison, because there was just me, no responsibilities, I was not a mother, a sister, a daughter, a partner, was that if I wanted to achieve anything in this life, I had to change, I had to understand the butterfly effect. That my actions impact on others. I must not or at least try not to abuse my position. First do no harm. All I see from these so called “child abuse campaigners” is poison dripping from their every pore, contaminating everything around them and polluting people’s minds, harming the vulnerable and suggestible, some of it for money, most of it to feed their insatiable narcissistic personality disorders that require absolute devotion to them.
Finally I can feel the cynicism as some people read this. Forget the last conviction. I am legally restrained from saying why. It is in hand though.